6/24/15

Life is Too Short For Anger

A few months ago, I wrote a post about my anger. I've lately been doing really well, but there was a top where I would get so mad that I would start to yell and cry and totally black out and destroy everything in my way. Just being honest. I was embarrassed and ashamed of it, and I tried all that I could to try and avoid getting angry.


Lately though I've been realizing that you can't avoid negative situations. You can't run and hide from your problems and expect to live a healthy, happy life. You also can't take situations into your own hands and expect everything to go as you plan.


Life is unpredictable and sometimes there are things that we don't like, like mean people, or deaths, or sickness, or even that idiot that cut you off in traffic without using his turn signal. Life is also filled with good things like coffee, and birthdays, and singing, and flowers and sunshine! There are so many things to be thankful for and as I look back on that post and that time in my life where I would allow myself to lose total control and just let that monster out, I regret it. I don't regret many things, but allowing myself to live with such an angry spirit is one thing I do regret. Being angry soon developed into anxiety and it was such a terrible process.

Lately my life has been stressful and painful. I had a really long, deep talk with Mark one night and we talked about happiness and the human heart and life in general and it was honest and open and pure. It was a conversation I will never forget. He asked me,

"Why are you so afraid to allow yourself to find happiness?"

At first I was confused and a little bit offended. I didn't think that I was afraid to be happy. But then we talked about it more... I am a very passionate person so when I get sad, I get really sad. When I get angry, I get really angry. But when I get happy? I enjoy it for the time being but then I start to put up my guard. I've been hurt so many times, I've messed up a lot, I've ruined my own happiness from time to time with decisions I've made even. After thinking about it and doing some self-searching I can totally see myself being afraid to be too happy. What if it ends? I'd rather be prepared for the happiness to end than be blindsided by something. I often catch myself asking questions and making accusations because I feel like things are too good to be true. It's annoyed more people than I can count. On top of that, I would start to get anxious. I would be nervous or worried or have a hard time breathing. Happiness is like butterflies in your stomach; anxiety is like moths in your chest.
"Just enjoy life Natalie, stop looking at the negative and worrying so much." To this I would retort that I am just trying to be level-headed and realistic but so often that line runs closely with negativity and cynicism. I don't want to live like that. I hate having that feeling you get when it's 8 p.m. on a Sunday night and you realize Monday is the next day. It's that "Oh wait it's almost over" type of feeling. I'm seeing though that living like that decreases the amount of time that I am happy and replaces it with anxiety and exhaustion. No fun!

At the start of the summer, I decided that I was going to try and complain less. So far, I think I've been doing a pretty good job and I have friends who call me out on it when I do. Eliminating my complaints and trying to see the good in things has really been helping my temper too. I am amazed how God can change hearts and mindsets in such a short time!

I've decided that life is too short to be angry all the time and dwell on the ways people disappoint you, hurt you, your mistakes and shortcomings, and the things you cannot change. Anger is an ugly poison when you let it sit in your heart, so it's important to pray about that anger and to let it go. Forgive. Breathe. Love. Move on.

I don't mean for this post to sound hokey or cliché. It's just been going through my mind lately and my heart has been in so much pain for I don't know how long. I'm reminding myself that it's time to be happy. I'm reminding you that it's time to be happy. As long as you're not hurting anyone else or yourself, I think if you find what makes you happy, you should wholeheartedly embrace it. If you've been feeling anxious or angry or hurt, you need to try and figure out why first off. You can't heal and get better if you don't know what the cause is. It's been almost a year since I wrote that post about my anger and I am finally feeling like I can live life with happiness again. At least, more than I used to. It's a process and I am still healing + growing. I've hurt people in my anger and at times the regret of that results in a panic attack or negative thoughts about myself. Sometimes all you can do is try to make it right and then move past it, not forgetting what you've learned. Our lives are in God's hands and we just need to honor Him and enjoy what he has blessed us with while trying to build one another up in love and kindness, not criticism and bitterness.

2 Timothy 1:7
"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."


These are my goals from now on. Instead of sitting and brooding about my pain and the offenses done to me, or getting angry with myself and tearing myself apart with anxiety and tears for what I have done to others, I am going to be thankful and focus on what I can do to live a fuller, simpler, and happier life. Times do get hard and there are days when I know I will be sad or angry, especially with a past in depression and recent anxiety, but I know that I have been saved by Jesus Christ and I am blessed beyond measure in that alone. I am fearfully and wonderfully made + I have a purpose. These truths will get me through each day. I want to live my life with grace towards myself and others, casting anger aside, without fear of happiness.

Bon Iver // Bruised Orange

"You can gaze out the window get mad and get madder,
Throw your hands in the air, say "what does it matter?"
But it don't do no good to get angry,
So help me I know

For a heart strained in anger grows weak and grows bitter.
You become your own prisoner as you watch yourself sit there
Wrapped up in a trap of your very own
Chain of sorrow."


23 comments:

  1. Excellent post. I couldn't agree more. Being angry is one thing, but living in that emotion is another!

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  2. Natalie TimperioJune 24, 2015 at 9:58 AM

    It takes a strong individual to share their feelings like this. I can completely relate on all levels. I think stating your goals publicly will really help push you to see them through.

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  3. such a beautiful post- thank you for sharing.

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  4. I know how hard it can be to deal with anger. It can put up a roadblock to self-love. Have you ever considered going to a counselor or a therapist? It seems that you are a spiritual person, and I know that there are some great Christian counselors out there ready to help. They really are a great aid to self discovery and self help. You're not alone. Thanks for sharing!

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  5. Your words are so lovely Natalie. Thank you for being vulnerable and opening yourself up in such a way to not boast about your own victories, or even short comings, but to simply share your heart so that others may find hope and healing in them.

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  6. Thank you for reading Rosemond.

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  7. Thank you for reading! That is my hope, that writing it all out will be a permanent reminder to myself and others how unpleasant living in anger and bitterness is!

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  8. Thank you for reading Faith. I'm glad it resonated with you.

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  9. Thank you for your advice and kind words! I have seen a counselor in the past actually and I just graduated with a degree in Psychology so I've got a lot of tools to do self-evaluation and work on my emotions. It takes time, but I am growing and I am healing. Thank you for taking time to read and reach out :)

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  10. Thank you Amy. Your words are not only kind, but encouraging to me! I have no goals to boast or brag or beg for help. I'm just trying to be honest and hopefully if someone else is on this journey, they can know they aren't alone and that there is a better way to live life than through anger or bitterness. God is good and I'm learning so much at this season in my life.

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  11. This is so on point! Also something I need to take into consideration.

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  12. I feel like I could've written this myself. Such intense emotions right? I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop if things are going too well or too good. It's such a horrible cycle and one that you've got to be conscious of daily!!!

    Thanks for th reminder to complain less..

    xo

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  13. Thank you Adriana! I'm glad that it helped you in some way. Thanks for reading :)

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  14. You're welcome. I hope that it helped a little to know that you're not alone, and the reminder that life is so much better when we combat anger with gratefulness. I recently went through a situation that made me really sick and have panic attacks and then I realized I was letting my emotions control me and that isn't healthy. I WANT to be happy, I just need to start letting myself enjoy that happiness and stop worrying. We don't gain anything in our lives when we worry! :)

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  15. Absolutely right my friend. You have to WANT to be happy, we just have to give ourselves permission that being happy is okay and it is a good and positive thing.

    Have a great afternoon Natalie xo

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  16. Aliza Hale BiornJuly 1, 2015 at 1:20 PM

    It's almost as if I had written this post. I focus too much on what might go wrong, when the good things are going to end, and being pessimistic. Thank you for reminding me to be positive. Living in the moment that is good is so much less stressful than waiting for something to go wrong.

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  17. I love this post. It is so true that we don't always focus on the positive and keep reminding ourselves of the negative. You're reminding me not to do that so much. At least for today!


    www.annainwonderland.co.uk

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  18. so true that life is unpredictable, and often so challenging! beautifully written and thank you for being so open to share! best wishes!!

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  19. dinnerthendessertJuly 2, 2015 at 12:57 AM

    My husband has some anger issues that he's working through as well! He doesn't get violent or anything but it still can't be healthy!

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  20. I'll be praying for your husband and for things to improve! It stinks when our anger (or any emotion really) gets the better of us!

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  21. Thank you for reading Amanda!

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  22. So true!! It takes time to realize that sometimes but when we do, its wonderful. Life really can be positive and full of happiness, we just have to open our eyes and look!

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