A Season of Patience - A Tiny Traveler

A Season of Patience

12:49 AM

So this is one of those "pour my heart out" type of posts. One where I just write and let you all know where I'm at in life. One that doesn't beg to be read, but will hopefully speak to some of you in some sort of way. I want to share my heart on this current season of patience that I am going through.

It's Christmas Eve Eve and I have a few minutes to just sit, think, and pray. My heart is so full of joy and wonder at the beauty of Christmas, and although it's been raining all day I have hope for snow on Christmas! Almost all of my gifts are wrapped and tonight I am singing in the Christmas Eve Eve service at church as well as 3 others tomorrow night for Christmas Eve. I'm really excited, especially for the candle lighting!

As Christmas draws near, my heart does little flip flops for things I can only hope and dream about. Can I be blunt?
My dream, ever since I was little, is to be proposed to on Christmas.

It may seem silly. Friends and family tell me that when it happens, I won't care when he asks or how, but honestly I just have always had this vision in my head of the snow softly falling and being whisked away in a magical Christmas dream. (I am laughing at myself as I type).


For me (and I'm sure many of you) patience is hard. It seems like when I ask God to give me patience, instead he gives me a situation where I need to practice having patience! Currently where I am in life, this situation is waiting to get married.

In the past few months, 8 of my friends have gotten engaged. I am beyond excited for them all and I cannot wait to see their weddings and celebrate with them in some way. 8 is a lot when you're waiting for your big day! I've seen some girls get mad when others get engaged. It's a weird concept to me to be honest. I would rather celebrate with those I love and share in their joy, than wallow in jealousy and be alone in it. These ladies are going to all have beautiful weddings and even more beautiful marriages and I know that God's timing is perfect in their lives, and in mine. 

It can be so easy to slip into jealousy and hope and pray and drop hints (which I've done) to get the special day here sooner, but then it makes your man feel pressured and like he isn't doing a good enough job, and I don't know, maybe he's not but in my situation I just need to gain that darn ounce of patience! I'm working on it and letting God stretch my heart in love, grace, and patience and I am starting to see that God is in control and I can trust him and I can trust Mark. I cannot be the one in control here, and yes that drives me a little crazy, but I know that when its supposed to happen, it'll happen.

It took me a little bit of time and a lot of prayer to see that I don't need a "magic" proposal. I am loved by a man who I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with and grow to adore more and more every day. I am so glad that I came to see this, whether I get engaged tomorrow or next month or next year it doesn't matter because when I get to that point, I can start thinking about our new adventure. Until then, I can focus on the here and now and focus on celebrating those in my life who have reached that milestone and doing all I can to support them in love.

Marriage is a huge step and is so much more than a wedding and getting to have sleepovers with someone you really like. Marriage is commitment. Marriage is sacrifice and humility. Marriage is going to be hard at times. I know I'll want to blog or watch Bravo and he'll want to do something else. There will need to be compromise and *guess what* patience!

While I am waiting I can focus on the last semester of school, spending time with family, growing closer to God and trusting him with my heart and my future, and excel at blogging, art, and writing.
I am so excited to continue to figure out life with Mark and to start a new adventure, but until that day I want to cherish every moment now without strife or pressure. I want to love him fully and authentically and travel through life with him, discovering new things on the way, and when that special time comes I know we'll be ready because it is going to be in God's timing. He is in control, and he knows what he's doing.

So in this Christmas season I am going to focus on what I have and what God has blessed me with instead of thinking about more. How can I bless others this holiday season and put my desires after theirs? What can I do to help someone feel more loved? How can I spread the true meaning of Christmas, Christ's birth and gift of salvation, to others? These are the things that are important at Christmas time and not "what can I get" or "when will it happen"? God has perfect timing and whether you're waiting for an engagement, a promotion at work, for an increase in finances, for a significant other, etc. God will provide and it will be in His perfect timing! Rest in the knowledge that our God knows what he's doing. Rest in the knowledge that he has everything in his hands.

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